The Fog

Some women have this fog in their life. It's called motherhood, and is probably the worst until the children are school age. Not much can be remembered other than constantly wiping up spills and marks on walls making everything look shiny and clean. There were days when I carried a towel with me just following little feet around to wipe things up. Now that my children are school age I am finding myself coming out of that fog where I never had a chance to stop and rest unless it was to sleep or shower. I gave everything to the little ones and desperately tried to give what was left to my husband. Am I really coming out of the fog?
As my girls got older I decided that it would be a good idea to look at going back to work. I was a teacher long ago. It all came back to me one day when I was at volunteering for a field trip at my daughter's school. I began searching and applying for jobs. I had done this for five years.
 I had distanced myself from my daily household responsibilities, including my children. For a few of these years they became very disrespectful and felt neglected. When I realized what was going on, I slowed down my process of trying to be a teacher and decided that I was being told by a higher power to refocus where I needed to be. Since then, my children have changed. They are respectful. But I see that I missed out on such a huge piece of their life because I was so wrapped up in working again. I think I also go into a habit with my husband of ignoring him and letting him live his own life. We lost all communication. Every opportunity for a connection got lost.I found myself in the fog again. Or did I ever leave?
 A few weeks ago when I needed him most, he was not there. He was not there because I was too busy applying for jobs and trying to proove myself to people outside my family.
I have come to the conclusion that my family is more important and I need to make sure that I make time for them before everything else if I want to get what I need. I think I created a new fog in my job search. It wasn't the fog of raising babies and toddlers, which I call the early childhood mommy fog. It was a selfish fog I created putting a job in front of everything else.
The fog is never easy no matter what the reason, and it is a lonely place that sucks life and memories out of you. Now I take time to see the important things in my life and make sure they are the top priorities. No matter what the reason is for the fog, it can be overcome. Everything else, including the teaching job will come in time if it is meant to be.
No more fog for me, and if I end up in another one, I hope I have goggles to see my way out of it.