Marriage can be tough, but it can also be easy and enjoyable. One thing everyone always wants to do is "fix" the issue when their spouse vents about issues or concerns. Sometimes just lending an ear, not offering advice or opinions, is important. As difficult of an action as this is it is possible and helps build on the relationship.
It could be the husband or the wife. My husband is on the school board and this is a heated political time. New board members are possible being elected or some re elected.  I noticed my husband was very emotional and upset about someone being dishonest in their facts to him. This candidate was stating things to him and when mu husband asked him to back the facts up, he went into a denial and avoided answers. It was as if the candidate was lying to him. He was telling me about it.
Last week at a marriage counseling session, my husband was called out for lying.The counselor was really handing it to him and he was pushing away and making excuses.
As upset as he got while talking to me about the candidate lying, it would have been easy to point out that he lies a lot too. I kept my mouth shut. Because I kept my mouth shut and did not point out that he lies too, I felt like he had a lot more loving response to me. He felt my support. Biting my tongue was hard, but he got to vent and I could tell he was not looking for me to fix it.
My frustration was that I saw someone taking a problem that they have and pulling it out of another person so they don't have to face it personally. My hope is that my husband comes out of all this political stuff facing his issue. I will sit back and be the ears but not speak through it. I want him to love me and not look at me as a controller and push away.
So when we open our mouths, unless asked directly to help with the solution, we only make the problem worse. The conflict begins in the marriage. As soon as we silence ourselves and just listen, the relationship is built up and grows stronger.