It was announced that three girls in my church, who just happened to be friends with me, would be taking over the children's ministry as a team. It was time for me to let them know I was happy for them and congratulate them. Was I really happy for them? I must not have been because when it was time to pay that complement to them, I avoided it. Why can't the words come out of my mouth? Is it really that hard for me to say nice things to other people to share their happiness?
I have been thinking about this for a few days now. What we think in our minds usually ends up coming out in our words. I also think that today's society has created a self centered attitude that keeps us so occupied in ourselves, in our own lives, that we do not look beyond the moments about us. If we just took a minute to think about the people around us in positive thoughts, it probably would be a lot easier to pay them those complements.
Sometimes I find myself thinking about all the faults in my girlfriends or their families. It could be that one always yells at her husband and cannot talk nicely to him. It could be that their house has clutter and is messy. It could be that they did not do the homework for a study and I did. I am judging them. I am thinking well at least I don't yell at my husband, or at least my house is clean. Instead of thinking what could I do to help her?
Our thoughts get so involved in how much better we are than the people around us that it is difficult to find positive words for them. I am going to start training my thoughts. Remember when our parents told us, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all," ? My words are similar. If I can't think something nice about someone, I should not be thinking about them.
Try changing thought patterns to all positve for a few days and see what happens.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Marriage can be tough, but it can also be easy and enjoyable. One thing everyone always wants to do is "fix" the issue when their spouse vents about issues or concerns. Sometimes just lending an ear, not offering advice or opinions, is important. As difficult of an action as this is it is possible and helps build on the relationship.
It could be the husband or the wife. My husband is on the school board and this is a heated political time. New board members are possible being elected or some re elected. I noticed my husband was very emotional and upset about someone being dishonest in their facts to him. This candidate was stating things to him and when mu husband asked him to back the facts up, he went into a denial and avoided answers. It was as if the candidate was lying to him. He was telling me about it.
Last week at a marriage counseling session, my husband was called out for lying.The counselor was really handing it to him and he was pushing away and making excuses.
As upset as he got while talking to me about the candidate lying, it would have been easy to point out that he lies a lot too. I kept my mouth shut. Because I kept my mouth shut and did not point out that he lies too, I felt like he had a lot more loving response to me. He felt my support. Biting my tongue was hard, but he got to vent and I could tell he was not looking for me to fix it.
My frustration was that I saw someone taking a problem that they have and pulling it out of another person so they don't have to face it personally. My hope is that my husband comes out of all this political stuff facing his issue. I will sit back and be the ears but not speak through it. I want him to love me and not look at me as a controller and push away.
So when we open our mouths, unless asked directly to help with the solution, we only make the problem worse. The conflict begins in the marriage. As soon as we silence ourselves and just listen, the relationship is built up and grows stronger.
It could be the husband or the wife. My husband is on the school board and this is a heated political time. New board members are possible being elected or some re elected. I noticed my husband was very emotional and upset about someone being dishonest in their facts to him. This candidate was stating things to him and when mu husband asked him to back the facts up, he went into a denial and avoided answers. It was as if the candidate was lying to him. He was telling me about it.
Last week at a marriage counseling session, my husband was called out for lying.The counselor was really handing it to him and he was pushing away and making excuses.
As upset as he got while talking to me about the candidate lying, it would have been easy to point out that he lies a lot too. I kept my mouth shut. Because I kept my mouth shut and did not point out that he lies too, I felt like he had a lot more loving response to me. He felt my support. Biting my tongue was hard, but he got to vent and I could tell he was not looking for me to fix it.
My frustration was that I saw someone taking a problem that they have and pulling it out of another person so they don't have to face it personally. My hope is that my husband comes out of all this political stuff facing his issue. I will sit back and be the ears but not speak through it. I want him to love me and not look at me as a controller and push away.
So when we open our mouths, unless asked directly to help with the solution, we only make the problem worse. The conflict begins in the marriage. As soon as we silence ourselves and just listen, the relationship is built up and grows stronger.
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