Love and cherish the people that you have close to you in your life and never take them for granted.
Be patient and kind regardless of the circumstances surrounding you.
This Christmas I learned that. I took my time packing and loading up my truck to return to Colorado the weekend before Christmas. It was difficult to leave. My class had a great week and didn't need to be managed much. They did their work when asked. I actually looked around at all of them and realized how much I was going to miss them. It made it diffucult to leave even though I was coming home to my husband and my animals.
Not alot of shopping had been done. The stores to shop at are so limited. Parker and Castle Rock had a lot more to offer. The last few days in Colorado before Christmas were supposed to be for catching up on all the shopping. I thought my husband would be happy to see us. He was, but he was very short with me and yelled a lot. It made me regret coming.
Then it all happened. I dont know where to go in Garden City to get my hair done so I waited until I came back to my home in Colorado. While getting it taken care of, my husband was getting a catscan. The results were not good. I went from the salon to the hospital. He checked in and waited awhile.
I later learned that surgery was not optional. He had it, and after was told that he would be in the hospital 5-7 days. Nothing like a life changing event during the holidays, right? That meant Christmas. That meant my birthday, then a lot of other life changing events, and a lot of staying strong.
Here is what he was up against. He had diverticulitis, which is common, but he had a 7mm rupture and an abscess on his colon. That was not the end. The infection had spread from the rupture and abscess to the intestines. Then the blood work showed three different viruses in the bloodstream, one being e-coli. If he had not gone into the hospital, he would have probably died by then end of the week. I had no idea it was that bad. He never complained, but now it is understandable why he was being so mean. (Still not an excuse to talk to me or treat me like that though)
Through the week he healed and recovered, while struggling to re learn body functions. On Christmas Eve one of my very good friends invited me over with my girls. I needed that, but then getting home and setting the stuff up from Santa without him was difficult. It's his favorite time of the year. The girls woke up the next morning and saw what Santa left them. I kept hearing how they missed daddy, but tried to keep going and not say much. When I finally did, I thought about what I was going to say. I told them that next year will be better and we need to be thankful that he will be there with us. After our traditional Christmas morning in pajamas church service, we went to open presents with him at the hospital.
Presents. Now that was a challenge this year. I was able to get all of his gifts and what the girls wanted from Santa on my own. I had to wrap everything, including the little bit he got for the girls this year and take it to the hospital. He had gotten me one gift. I had to wrap it myself. But I put my best foot forward and gave the gratitude to him still being alive instead of sulking.
I took the girls to the hospital to open all the presents and then all of his family came and visited for awhile.
We took up the hospital lounge while we visited. They took the girls home for the night so I could stay with my husband at the hospital. I started to get really emotional and I got frustrated and upset. I had not ate anything in 24 hours because I was so busy taking care of everything and taking care of my kids and my husband that I didn't realize how hungry I was. Stupid things like "why didnt the family bring the Christmas meal to the hospital?" and "Doesn't anyone care that I am left out?"went through my head. I cried a lot then I drove home and ate. After eating I got some girl time and wine drinking with the Colorado roommate. Both of us were struggling with having unique Christmases this year. It was what we both needed. Then I went back to my husband at the hospital.
I stayed there for two days, but was close to my breaking point again. I needed rest and eat food that was not from the hospital. I needed to go on a run or exercise. I came home to the Colorado house with my kids. I woke up on my birthday and it was just another day. My only present was socks from my mother, but they are nice socks that I will use a lot. I started to sulk but then I thought again about how lucky I am that my husband will still be around in the future and I am not dealing with death. So I took care of everythig on the homefront. I did laundry, shoveled snow, fixed lights and broken closet doors, brought wood in and got the house warm, cooked a stew that he started before the hospital visit, got food for the animals, and did some vaccuming. It's what I know. It's what I do. I take care of things and keep up a nice house for my family. The last few years that wasn't enough. I felt so lost. Now that I have my teaching job, I really didn't mind that I had to do all this today. In a few months recovery will be complete and life here will be normal again.
I am still sad about a lot of things. One is that he will be unable to go back to Kansas with us. That means he will have to take care of himself during his recovery. I wish I could be here to help him, but I have to go back to work. The blessing is that without my job we would not have had health insurance for this experience. That would have caused a lot more financial problems.
Another blessing is that I was not working and I was able to be here for this week. I just keep trying to count my blessings and look to the next day. Nothing is going as planned and everything is in the air for the future, but I am thankful not to be planning a funeral and I am also thankful that next Christmas will be back to the way we celebrate and we will all be together again.
